IT IS REALLY COMING BACK.... :(

I always thought I could suppress it and hoping to get over it with some techniques which I have learnt previously. I used all kinds of ways and methods for the past months but I am no longer able to contain it. It is hitting real hard till I lost almost all the control.

 - Feeling frustrated easily
 - Losing focus very easily
 - Do not have the energy to move things
 - In need for a shelter ever moment
 - Crying out loud (inside me)
 - The thought of giving up everything

I keep asking myself why do I have to go through all these over and over again... I hate myself so much now as my mental strength is so so weak. I wanna be normal again. I wanna a normal life... All these are killing me.

Everyone keep telling me I can do it nd jmp out of it. I wished to. I am trying my very best. But I am sinking in and climbing out... I climb an inch higher, I will fall a foot deeper... I do not want to take medication again. IT SUCKS!!!

Can I give up everything???